Fallout
by Psycho Goddess
Summary: Sometimes all you can do is deal with the fallout. [RayLily]


**Title**: Fallout

**Summary**: Sometimes all you can do is deal with the fallout. [Ray/Lily]

**Pairings**: Ray/Lily

**Rating**: PG

**Category**: Angst

**Author's Notes**: Well, isn't this embarrassing. ::_coughs_:: Was suckered by a younger sibling into watching this show a couple of weeks ago, and I enjoyed it way too much. Then this "story" came out by itself when I sat down to work on my neglected WIPs in other fandoms. No offense, and my apologies for inflicting the horror of this story. Though if anyone knows any good RFR websites/forums, I'd love a link.

            Takes place, obviously, during the How To Lose A Girl episodes. Possibly melodramatic in a sense, but sometimes when a "crush" falls for someone else, the initial sting can hurt. A lot.

**Disclaimer**: All rights belong to those who own them, I'm just a sad little girl with too much time on my hands. Personally I'd rather use this song for a music video, but this came out and I don't have clips to mix so… ::_shrugs_::

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---

_It's time to let you go   
It's time to say goodbye   
There's no more excuses   
No more tears to cry _

---

            Lily Randall considered herself a fairly level person. Open minded. Wanted what was best for everyone. Including her best friend Ray. And she just kept telling herself as she watched 'Ronnie'- God, she couldn't keep the sarcastic perkiness out of her tone even mentally- practically suck the skin off his skull in a hidden corner of Mickey's. Not that there was anything wrong with that.

            Still, there was a catch in her throat. She had bothered them before, under the guise of helping him. But not this time. She had had her chance, and she was going to be happy for him. She turned, not even noticing Travis and Robbie at a table three feet away. The two boys exchanged a knowing glance, recognizing the look of betrayal Lily hadn't quite kept hidden.

            She was gone before either one could say something, leaving a cool breeze in her wake.

            "Should we…?" Robbie asked.

            Travis shook his head. "She'll be fine."

            But his confident words couldn't quite shake the feelings of misgivings he had.

_There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting._

Buddha was a wise, wise man. Though for some reason Travis doubted Buddha was thinking of high school crushes when he said that.  
---

_  
There's been so many changes   
I was so confused   
All along you were the one   
All the time I never knew   
  
_

---

            Lily stepped into the cool evening air, hurriedly moving with no direction. She had to think. When Audrey had confronted her after her pseudo date with Ray, Lily had dismissed it. Ray was… Ray was the guy she'd known since forever. Not potential boyfriend material. Ray was the guy who pulled stupid, childish pranks. The guy who had no genuine focus in life; happy to get by by the seat of his pants, to use an almost obsolete expression. She's trust him with her life, but she didn't _like_ him.

            Then, in a moment that would have left her breathless, it hit her. She, Lily Randall, liked Ray Brennan in a way that was by no definition of the word platonic. Ray was the guy who picked gum off her chair, and remember that stupid compass ring she had when she was six. Lily doubted that her own mother remembered the incident as well as he had recalled it.

            When had this happened? Surely not as recently as this Veronica fiasco. No, it would have been longer. The beginning of RFR then, when she had gotten to see another side of him. The side that really believed in Free Speech, yet still attempted to shield Lily from a trash talking Jennifer Peoples with censorship. She hadn't approved of his methods, but she had appreciated it.

No, not appreciated.

Expected it. Ray had her back. It was a given, like Waller being an ass. It was a security blanket, like banana chocolate chip muffins. And hot cocoa on cold days. Familiar, and known, and not really thought about.

            This sucked.

---

_I want you to be happy   
You're my best friend   
But it's so hard to let you go now   
All that could have been   
I'll always have the memories   
She'll always have you   
Fate has a way of changing   
Just when you don't want it to   
  
_

---

            She vaguely recalled Travis once saying something about people going to places that are familiar to them when they were upset. She hadn't really been paying attention at the time; he was a nice guy but he really could stand to lighten up a bit. The image of Travis lightening up was almost funny; Mr. Zen probably hadn't been blithe a day in his life. But that was hardly the point. The point was she found herself in the alley by the station, sitting on a discarded carton and pretending that she wasn't thinking about Ray.

            And not being all that successful.

            A memory long buried fought its' way to the surface, waiting for a chance to be ironic. Seven year old Lily with a bedsheet hanging from her head, waiting for her groom. She had been to her cousin Shelley's wedding a few days earlier, and this playdate with Ray was the perfect chance to recreate the magic moment. Though to her it had been less romantic and more amusing, a distraction from the rain outside.

            "If I don't marry my mom," declared Ray, as seven year old boys were wont to do, "I'm going to marry you Lily."

            "Ewww!" she exclaimed, and they both collapsed into giggles.

The first and only time Lily recalled playing any of those "grown up games" had ended before it had truly begun; and now her first foray into the "grown up" game of love was proving to be the same disappointment.

            Ronnie had Ray firmly in her feline claws. Lily had memories of compass rings and stupid make believe games. There was no doubt who the winner was; experience was a bitter teacher.

---

_Life passes so quickly   
You gotta take the time   
Or you'll miss what really matters   
You'll miss all the signs   
I've spent my life searching   
For what was always there   
Sometimes it will be too late   
Sometimes it won't be fair   
  
_

---

            She drew her knees up, resting her chin on them. Wasn't this _When Harry Met Sally_ typical. Her laugh was more of a bark then an expression of amusement, but it at least _resembled_ a chuckle.

            "Lily?"

            "Hey Trav," she said, smiling at her friend. "Come to give me the 'too little, too late' speech?"

            He looked perplexed, as if the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He dropped his backpack down and sat beside her, mimicking her posture.

            "Just came here to think."

            "No, you didn't."

            He shrugged, knowing he was busted. "No, I didn't."

            "Thank you."

            Neither one said much after that. Looking up at the same stars and lost in thought; he was a warm presence that Lily was peripherally aware of. That was usually Ray's job, when he managed to sit still for longer then two minutes. Though he was quite capable of doing it when she really needed him.

            "Mars is really bright tonight," Travis finally commented, pointing towards the red planet.

            "It's just…" Lily began, unable to hold it back any longer. "It's just that Ray was always… there, you know? It's been that way since we were little. I guess I thought it would always _be_ that way, in my infinite naivety."

            "It must be nice, knowing someone for that long."

            Lily smiled. "Yeah. It is."

            "If it makes you feel better, I really don't like Veronica," he offered, and she gave a genuine laugh.

            "Me neither," she admitted.

            "I've got some stuff to do in the station. Do you want to come in?"

            Lily considered it.

"No," she said finally. "I'm going to get going in a couple of minutes anyways."

            "Okay," said Travis. He headed towards the stairs, but couldn't resist a final parting shot. Don't let it be said he wouldn't meddle if it was for the good of his friends. "Sometimes we realize things too late. Sometimes all we're left to deal with is the fallout."

            "Yeah," she quietly agreed. "The fallout."

---

_I won't give up   
I won't give in   
I can't recreate what just might have been   
I know that my heart will find love again   
Now is the time to begin   
  
_

---

            It really was stupid in a way. This was just a typical crush, brought on by more time spent together and the fact he was now unattainable. People desired what they could not have, as had been proven countless times before.        

            Ray was her friend, nothing more. He was going out with the girl of his choosing, something she had been all too happy to help him with. There was no point in rehashing the events of the past, because it wouldn't change the present. She would move on, perhaps pretend her feelings for him had never made an appearance. She was young, and she'd heal. She'd be okay.

---

_Throw away the chains   
Let love fly away   
Till love comes again   
I'll be okay  
I can't hold on forever baby   
I'll be okay  
  
_

---

            Lily took a deep breath and stood up to head home. She was going to be happy for him. After all, these things didn't really last forever, right? And if worst came to worst, she thought humourlessly, she could always break them up.

……………………………………………………………………

It's okay to throw rotten tomatoes at me for this. Really. Though flames may just be used for s'mores.


End file.
